Peeper alarm

I'm beginning to suspect that Peeper has become the essence of alarm clock. She's like a new nature totem, except that it's not natural. She wakes around the time my first alarm goes off, so I let her out of the cage. She eats and starts getting crotchety when I hit the snooze on my second alarm. Then as I continue to hit snooze every five minutes, she continues to chirrup occasionally, eliciting groans from me in response, since she has no snooze button. Only when I finally hit "off" on the alarm and sit up all the way does she calm down. Of course, my alarm has been my cellphone for a while, so she is channeling my damned cellphone. Maybe I can use her to call my mom and wish her a happy birthday. When's Mother's Day again?

Fat Man Walking

See, when you realize you're getting so damned fat you can't walk anywhere, you really should do something about it.