Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

[asterroc]

1) Seamus Finnigan is not "after me lucky charms!"
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination class.
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month".
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!"
15) When a classmate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgûl is simply coincidental.
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
19) I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
20) I will not dress up in a Dementor cloack and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells, shouting "I've got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.
25) It's not necessary fro me to yell "Bam!" every time I Apparate.
26) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them Smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
32) "Draco Malfoy, take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
34) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
34) It is a bad idea to tell Profesor McGonagall that she takes herself too seriously.
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell.
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".
41) Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count as extra credit.
42)My name is not "Dark-Lord Happy Pants" and I shall not sign my papers as such.
43) I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
44) I will not lock Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room and make bets on who will come out alive.
45) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
46) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the residential ghosts.
47) I will not use first year Slytherins and Gryffindors as Christmas lights.
48) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
49) There is not, nor was there ever, a fifth house at Hogwarts. Nor am I in that house or the founder of it.
50) I will not put books of Muggle fairy-tales in the history section of the library.
51) When fighting the Death Eater in the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and yell "There can only be ONE!"
52) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes teacher.
53) I will not take a life insurance policy out on Harry Potter.
54) I will not wear a "DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT" shirt to school.
55) I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand.
56) I will not tell first years that they should build a tree-house in the Whomping Willow.
57) I will not teach the house elves how to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks.
58) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort by using Harry Potter's life as a bargaining chip.
59) I will not follow potions instructions backwards just to see what will happen.
60) I will not use Silencing charms on my professors.

Yoinked from l0stmyrel1g10n

Comments

[q10.livejournal.com]

I will not put books of Muggle fairy-tales in the history section of the library.

[laughs]

[l0stmyrel1g10n.livejournal.com]

oh right, for the record, i got it from my little sister [and grammar-edited it], and i have no idea where she got it.

[marquiswildbill.livejournal.com]

i lol'd

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

How you doing these days, other than getting access to a bunch of journals? I havne't heard much from you in a while. Shouldn't you be close to graduating soon?

[marquiswildbill.livejournal.com]

Other than my exwife being worse than usual things are going very well. T is learning so well, she shared a bucket with a little boy at the park the other day because he was crying. She got bullrushed by a little boy at sesame place the other day and didn't hit. She's getting so big and she's really starting to socialize. My main projects at work are going very well. Things with the gf are going loads better. I'm training a pony for a therapeutic riding program, which is very good for me mentally and physically. It's going well. He's a tough little guy, but he is learning that it is easier for both of us to cooperate.
I should be close to graduation, but I need to take a few limited offerings, which will delay things. Once I graduate myself and a few of my coworkers are going to try to convince our boss to fund me through grad school, so I can keep my health insurance.
I just would like to have some free time ;p

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Yay, lots of that sounds good. :) For the limited offerings, would the profs be willing to do them as independent studies? Often that's one way you can get around the scheduling.

[marquiswildbill.livejournal.com]

That's actually a really good idea. Thanks.

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

NP. Of course, that means you will end being a student sooner, which has its own drawbacks...

[marquiswildbill.livejournal.com]

Yes, life outside the ivory tower is scary. Not to mention not getting things like a student checking account, no student registration fees for ACS meetings.
I just hope my boss can be convinced to fund me in grad school. I wonder if I would need to say anything other than I come with my own funding to profs during interviews.

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Many banks don't realize when you graduate and continue to let you count as a student. Besides if you're a grad, you ARE. And if you're a grad student or work in industry, you may get your advisor/boss to pay for ACS meetings.

[marquiswildbill.livejournal.com]

Both are true, but real life definitely is very different from academic life. They were just examples that popped into my head.