guest manners

[asterroc]

I just stumbled across this post on susananswergirl, asking whether it's rude to ask dinner guests to help with the dishes after dinner.

My thought is that while it might be slightly rude, it's even more rude if the guests do not offer to help. I was raised that as a guest you should always offer to help clean up. I was also raised that as a traditional hostess you should refuse anything more than minimal help (such as clearing the table, loading the dishwasher), but minimal help can make a big difference. But if the guest is hanging out after the end of the party and the hostess starts cleaning, then the guest should insist on helping (or leave).

And yet, at my last party, despite some 10 or 11 people staying overnight, only one person offerred to help with the dishes in the morning, and that person ended up leaving earlier than the others while I continued cleaning. Am I wrong in what I think is proper ettiquite? Or are my guests inconsiderate? It's not going to lead me to stop throwing parties, but I'm just curious if my expectations of guests are inappropriate.

Comments

[galbinus-caeli.livejournal.com]

Personally I think that if someone has overstayed the party long enough that the host has started cleaning, then they should help. Of course starting the cleanup too soon (beyond picking up and straightening) is rude too.

Do note that Susan is very southern, so may work from a slightly different rule book.

[meig.livejournal.com]

Your guests are inconsiderate.

[meig.livejournal.com]

Oops, hit the post button too fast.

I don't think you should ask them to help, that's bad too. You shouldn't have to, though.

[l0stmyrel1g10n.livejournal.com]

i don't think that's inappropriate. that's what i was taught too. usually though when i offer to help i'm told the host/ess doesn't need my help.

[blue102.livejournal.com]

I think your guests should've offered to help clean up - it's rude that they didn't. But I think it's rude for a host to ask guests to help out, too. When I'm hostessing, I always refuse help unless they're really close friends and there's not much to do... but I am also a somewhat stodgy hostess (for example, I think that caning would be an acceptable punishment for people who don't RSVP).

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I was also thinking that canning would be a decent punishment, though I'm not sure if it means pelting them with tin cans, or stuffing them in a garbage can. I usually pester my friends enough that I know who's coming w/o specific RSVPs. If they bring friends w/o letting me know though, that's when the recyclables start flying.

I usually accept limited help b/c there's only so many people can fit in a kitchen, but I do appreciate the help as I hate doing dishes. Surprisingly, other people always volunteer to make the breakfast, so I guess I should be thankful for that. (Problem is I'm not really, b/c it's something I wouldn't mind doing at all. :-P )

[blue102.livejournal.com]

ha! Canning would be a great punishment. You could also interpret "canning" as the act of preparing food for storage, as in "You are not allowed to leave until all those peaches are sliced and sealed in Mason jars of juice."

Next time we visit, I'll let you make breakfast. :)

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Just so long's you don't require that breakfast happen anytime before, say, noon.