Lyrics

[asterroc]

And after a non-trivial number of repeats,

The Ballad of Eddie Praeger
Paul and Storm
Opening Band

(in 3/4 time, traditional Irish sounding)

INTRO
(Guitar, Piano, Violin)

VERSE
There on the barstool sat old Eddie Praeger
Filled with three schnitzes and three shots of rye.
Joe the bartender poured two shots of yeager,
Old Eddie downed them with a belch and a sigh.

The bartender thought that he heard Eddie mumble
About draining the lizard, and he asked for one more.
He pushed back his stool and resignedly stumbled
To the room with the stick-figure man on the door.

(off-key Penny Whiste)

Down in the basin sat a faded pink discus:
A urinal cake near the end of its days.
Tired and misshapen, smelling slightly of citrus,
A lifetime of battles had it worn near away.

Eddie regarded his sweet-smelling rival,
Began to attend to the business at hand.
The condom dispenser and the 60-watt lightbulb
Bore silent witness to the cake's final stand.

CHORUS
Eroding, eroding, eroding away
Oh, the cake she was bound to go under that day.
Eroding, eroding, eroding away
And with one final flush she was gone.

(Penny Whiste)

VERSE
Old Eddie fumbled into launch position,
Drunkenly struggling to undo his fly.
The cake stood prepared for her suicide mission
To stand through the deluge of the oncoming tide.

The urinal cake stared at old Eddie Praeger,
Or, maybe it would have if it had had eyes.
Eddie unloaded his schnitz, rye, and yeager;
The cake sat there slowly reducing in size.

(PW)

He paused for a moment o'ercome with a shiver
A deep forest silence pervaded the room.
He thought about waterfalls, fountains and rivers,
And soon enough Eddie's bombardment resumed.

The outcome of course was a foregone conclusion:
Valor and bravery wasted in vain.
She broke into pieces in the swirling profusion -
The push of a lever, and she spun down the drain!

CHORUS

VERSE
Old Eddie Praeger returned to his bender,
Never to think of the conflict again.
And long after closing time Joe the bartender
Placed a new cake where the old one had been.

CHORUS (soft and poignant)

Yeah! (yelled)

CHORUS (loud, end poignant)