"Why I didn't want a girl"

[asterroc]

A disgusting article written by a mother of two boys about why she doesn't want a girl for her third child. Absolutely disgustingly prejudiced and stereotyped and sexist and makes me want to puke. Moreover, what's this poor girl going to think when she grows up enough to read this article by her mother?

Comments

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

I disagree with you. The reason she's disappointed is because of stereotypes she has about girls:

"Girls have elaborate hairstyling requirements. They whine and mope, manipulate and triangulate. ... daily viewings of 'The Little Mermaid' ... 'she'll be quiet. Calm. Easy.'"

These are all stereotypes about girls. Biases about them. Because she has these ideas in her head, she's going to be raising the girl like this too, as a quiet demure thoughtless little doll.

I'm not saying her bias is intentional or uncommon. It's unfortunately way too common - if we didn't all have these biases in the first place, then she wouldn't have the experience that she describes about walking into a department store and finding only frilly pink things. And quite subconscious in most people. I feel we need to explore these things and become more aware of the expectations we are setting up for children (like telling boys they're strong and smart, and telling girls they're pretty and good) so that we can start to remove these biases and the barriers against children of all genders achieving anything at all.

Edit: One other thought. Prejudice or sexism doesn't need to be tangible events (such as abortion, giving books to boys and dolls to girls, beating someone, forbidding them from attending college or taking certain jobs). It can be even stronger when it's intangible such as telling someone they're not capable of something, or the example above of telling boys they're smart and telling girls they're pretty.

[spazzy444.livejournal.com]

I’m not good at debating, but I will try to articulate this to the best of my ability. Perhaps you cannot empathize with this woman as you are not in her position and have admitted to being happy to not have children.

I think this is less of an issue of stereotypes being used to project what the kid will be like and more of a way to validate or justify her feelings. She specifically said she had a niece that was a tomboy and specified that a child’s nature will come out regardless of how you raise them (her point about the boys with guns), and that she has one boy that is greedy and another that is not.

Let me explain this in a basic way that I think the author feels (I could be completely off base, but this is how it is for me): I want a green ipod for my birthday. I am gifted a purple one. While purple is a fine color, I really wanted a green one. I still love my purple ipod, but I am disappointed it isn’t the color I wanted. Why? Well… purple is more girlie and it doesn’t match the rest of my green stuff. Green is cool, and if I have to sell it there would be a better market for it (not saying sell your child here). Now I have a guy friend whose favorite color is purple. The point is I wanted an ipod, I was wishing for a green one because I like green better as a personal preference, but people make me feel like I need to explain why I like green better.

I am a tomboy. I rarely wear make-up, I don’t get along with most other females, I despise dresses, skirtsand I don't enjoy shopping. As a child I used to dig in the dirt, play with caterpillars and hung out with my neighbor while he pinned bugs up in his collection. I am a gamer and I enjoy reading and I played sports. For every female friend I had in college I had 7 male friends. I know the girl stereotypes, and I don’t like girlie girls. I like guys, they make sense to me. Yet, I still wanted a girl. Why did I want a girl? If someone asked why I didn’t want a boy I probably would have stated something as stereotyping as her only the other way and yet I fit most of the stereotypes of a boy as a child.

If I had a girl and she wanted to wear make-up and skirts I would not have objected and when my boy wants to play monster trucks (another thing I dislike) I am not going to stop him either.
I know lots of boys that are cute and manipulative and whiney and girls who are hard core bug fanatics who roughhouse and are simple for clothes. Doesn't change my emotions. I think you are trying to make this out to be way too black and white.