dream

[asterroc]

reality: something got me crying about peeper again last night.

dream: [part 1] the lifegem i ordered from peeper's ashes came in, but it was the wrong color, and i'd forgotten to have her name engraved on it. [part 2] a salesman asked if i'd rather give that ten thousand to him to get her back then have the life gem. i said yes. he said he had one question: was that really what i wanted. i said i had one question: would she come back as a zombie or otherwise undead. i answered yes to him, he answered no to me, so he did it. i failed to ask that she be restored to health.

reality: i do keep thinking i want a lifegem from her ashes, silly as it sounds. i don't even know if there's enough of her. why did i keep dreaming that things went wrong, and it was my fault? last night i kept thinking it was too soon for me to have gotten gabe: i'm not over peeper, i keep wanting him to be the same as her, i don't appreciate him for himself, i want something other than what i did get. i still have the easy out of giving him to my neighbors. i don't wnat to do that, it's not fair to him. i don't love him. he's not the same. no one will be, i know that, but i still want the same, and htat's the problem.

Comments

[blue102.livejournal.com]

{hugshugshugs}

I don't have anything wise to say, just lots of hugs.

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Sue-Bob. I'm feeling a bit better though it lingered with me for a whole day. I've been concentrating on getting to know Gabe - I know it's not fair to him to continually compare him to Peeper. I've also been lurking and commenting and posting a bunch on the cockatiels and parrot_lovers communities, helps me see how they're all wonderful individuals once you get to know them.