Wake/Funeral Etiquette?

[asterroc]

A colleague of mine whom I didn't know well but respect greatly passed away yesterday. It was not unexpected - she was in hospice care for terminal cancer. And yet in early July she joined me and many others in the trip to Washington DC for the jumbo union meeting as a retired member. Hence some of my great respect.

I am planning to attend her wake and funeral on Tuesday. I have never been to such things as an adult. What do I need to know other than wear black (and not a cocktail dress)? The family has asked that instead of flowers that people make a donation to the American Cancer Society. Is a card expected? Should I bring flowers in addition to a donation? The only thing I know about the funeral service is that it will be conducted by another colleague of hers who is a Reverend.

Comments

[kadath.livejournal.com]

All black is no longer necessary for funerals, but keep any colors you do wear somber. A card is not expected if you are attending services, but be sure to give your condolences to the hosts in person. Any donation is voluntary. If the family has requested no flowers, they have probably already arranged what flowers they want through the funeral home.

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

So I'm thinking gray or brown would be acceptable (for example a dark gray dress, or maybe a brown top and black bottoms), but I shouldn't wear my black skirt with pink embroidered flowers.

[kadath.livejournal.com]

I'd go with at least one black piece, myself. The last funeral I went to was in early spring, so I ended up wearing a black business suit with a gray shirt.

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

I will be going straight from a day full of meetings, and normally I like to wear something light and springy yet still professional for the day, but clearly such a thing cannot be appropriate at a wake and funeral. I'm definitely going to do a black skirt, it's slightly lower than the knees, and it's not quite a poodle skirt in shape, but definitely fuller rather than snugger. For the top though, I'm debating between a gray button down blouse (which I do not prefer), and a darkish T-shirt or tank top w/ a button-down dark green lightweight jacket over it.

[spazzy444.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for your loss.

"gifts" are not mandatory or expected at funerals. Showing up empty handed is actually the norm, from my personal experiences. If they have requested a donation in lieu of flowers and you feel inclined to donate then please do.

Flowers aren't necessary since they requested the donation, and may have made private arrangements for flowers. A card sent to the family is nice, but since you were not close to the family, I'd personally forgo.

[erin-trying.livejournal.com]

Cards aren't necessary, but in some Christian traditions, particularly Catholicism, mass cards are common occurrences.

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

She sounds like a remarkable woman.

I agree with all above -- dress in dark, not attention-snagging clothes -- but no need to obsess. Card and flowers are not necessary. Donate if you want to.